I hate being who i am ugh. it makes me sick.?

i think i have depression. well idk where to start, im kinda insecure...really insecure, i mean im not ugly but i just not as pretty as i'd like.this summer im basically changing myself.my hair color my eye color my weight my style my personality.i jus found out i was dating a player.so my little heart got broken.umm i dont get to do anything with friends. the very few that i have becuz my school is a private little jesus school that no one gos to!i cant meet any new people.wish i went 2 public school and had a normal life.i constantly pick myself apart.i feel like im not good enough for anyone so im trying to better myself.i hate where i live. i hate having to hide my sadness from my parents.they wont believe me that i have depression theyll get mad at me sayin that i have a pretty good life.my mom is a complete failure.i hardly ever see her, i saw her recently at a family thing and she was carrying around a huge bottle of liquor and she offered me some, and said i could have a few beers. wtf kind of mom is that?. shes turning into an alcoholic. she has mental probs. i mean i love her to death but shes just idk not in a good place in life right now.i feel alone, i have nothing to do with no one. i wana start enjoying my life